i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I just put wine in my tea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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