She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
