Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
