im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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