don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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