No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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