I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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