we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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