Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
