Ambien. No doubt about it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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