I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
