The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
