He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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