My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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