I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
