I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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