I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
