I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
