Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
