i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
