I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
