dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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