if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
