I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
