i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
