shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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