Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
