We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
