I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
