Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
