Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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