Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
