I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
