Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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