At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
