im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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