This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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