No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
