You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
