I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
