i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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