He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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