Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
