sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
