Your face is a jimmy john
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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