Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.