cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We are all done wearing pants today
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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