The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
