I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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