I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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