If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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