we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
