he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
