If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
