Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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