all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
