i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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