theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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