look no pants
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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