I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize