Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
