so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
two words...techno handjob
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize