It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
