I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
