Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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